Make kitten heels history.

I know this might be a strange thing to feel this passionate about, but I absolutely hate kitten heels. Loathe them. And I know i’m not alone. Facebook group: ‘Kitten heels make me sick’. 58, 696 people like this. They’re one of the most pointless things to come out of fashion. Except maybe shutter shades. Either wear flats, or man up and wear actual heels, don’t just hover around 5cm off the ground. They remind me of those creepy little beauty pageant kids clacking about in their Fisher Price My-First-Heels. I've heard rumours that they're suddenly stylish again. Why they keep resurfacing like fashion’s very own poltergeist is beyond me, but I for one will not be rushing out to join the kitten clan any time soon.

"Beauty, to me, is about being comfortable in your own skin. That, or kick ass red lipstick."

Not sure if you caught it, but the other day, BBC3 aired 'Cherry's Body Dilemmas', a programme that cut right to the heart of womankinds biggest worry. One that is concieved through relentless peer pressure in our teens, and stays with us for much of our adult lives, sometimes blooming into an obsession. I'm talking about the way we look. At a guess, I would say 99% of us would change something about ourselves. Be it longer legs, smaller boobs, more Jolie-esque lips. It's always something. This got me thinking. And the more I thought, seven words kept ricocheting around my head: what. the. hell. is. wrong. with. us? I mean, what exactly are we aspiring to be here? Is it me, or does the world's perception of what it is to be beautiful change almost seasonally? Are we supposed to be thin or curvy? Girl next door or sex kitten? But I think, if you unwrap all the mixed messages, all the fad diets, all the impossible ideals, there is a more poigniant question that needs answering. Why are we trying? Sure, if I'm honest with myself there is an entire list of things I would change. Less cellulite, bigger eyes, longer eyelashes, whiter teeth. But I can't have those things. Well, to be really exact I can't have those things without the aid of painful and expensive surgery. So why do I care? Far too many women are throwing every iota of attention towards what they don't have, and ignoring what they do. I know, it's easier said than done, but we need to stop viewing other women as either our competition or our aim. We need to learn to separate, to think 'OK, that's what they look like. This is what I look like, we're different, and that's fine.'
Because when you think about it, beauty is completely subjective. There's a whole world of types and variations our there. One person's heaven is another's hell no. Sometimes it seems like all the constant focus on body image is a radio that we can't turn off, that blares in the back of our thoughts all the time. But I hope we can learn to make this one thought louder than all the bullshit: there will always, always be somebody that thinks you're a ten.

Tweets from the front line.

Twitter. It's a pretty dividing concept. You've got one group, the Tweeters themselves, who see it as a way to speak to the world. Whether it's to network, promote, or just to get something off your chest - you can guarantee that somebody, somewhere will be listening. Then there are those who see it as nothing more than egotism. Bragging in 140 characters or less. But last night, Twitter stepped up. All over the country, people were doing their best to report riot news in their area. As the night went on, and more of London was burned to the ground, I, for one, couldn't leave my Twitter unattended. It seemed that it was the quickest way to find out exactly what was happening, with real people reporting fresh bouts of violence before any news organisation even got wind of them. And now the same social networks that have been blamed for this pointless violence are becoming the very platform for it's clean up. In the wake of all this destruction, there are some embers of hope. Maybe there is more good than bad in the country.

Here is just a snippet of what Britain had to say last night:


@BrianMcHarg: fill the water cannons with pink dye, spray the rioters en masse each night, round up the pink folk the following day. simples. #londonriots

@Mattedmondson: My best mate, Tom, is a police man. He's barely slept for days and is out there now fighting this. It's all so unnecessary. #londonriots

@fleetstreetfox: Dear police and fire people on the streets tonight: from the rest of us, thank you. #Londonriots

@cripesonfriday: Can they stop calling it unrest, sleeping on a sofabed in a draft with a lumpy pillow is unrest.

@clarkville: The fire brigade are, as always, true fucking heroes!

@DavidAllenGreen: I think we should have another royal wedding. That will do the trick. Harry and Pippa, your country needs you...

@swanidotcom: The Youth of the Middle East rise up for basic freedom. The Youth of London rise up 4 HD ready 42" Plasma TV #Londonriots

@SamAtRedmag: poor local shopkeepers who've worked their whole lives & are now watching it go up in smoke. No-one will help them rebuild #londonriots

@GarethAveyard:How embarrassing to be human.

@keirshiels:Moral of the week: Must heed warnings of The Kaiser Chiefs.

@sueperkins: Dear Dave, fancy putting that Peroni and focaccia down and getting THE FUCK back to the country you apparently run?

@MrsLRCooper: How come Cameron cut short a work trip to Africa to deal with Murdoch but won't cut short his holiday to deal with this crisis. #perspective

@Divine_Miss_Em: This is simply awesome PR for the Olympics..

@GasolineShorts: My friend is currently cowering in her flat above shops in Hackney with her three month old baby. Anyone who thinks this is fun is a twat.

@gracedent: that's not sticking it to the police. it's just fucking over the person who's sold you milk every day for years.

@paulkingsnorth: When you blame looting and burning on 'poverty' you insult everyone poor who has an ethical backbone and knows how to use it. #londonriots

@itisTwin:London..... We're better than this man....

@caitlinmoran:I notice no-one has made a joke in my timeline in the last two hours. I have never seen this before.

My gap three weeks: diary of a first time traveller.

This summer, instead of frittering away my life watching back to back episodes of Jersey Shore, I decided I would actually do something a bit worthwhile and interrailing, which is pretty much travelling around Europe by train. So, me and two friends loaded our size-of-a-small-room backpacks with paraphernalia for just about any eventuality, including a waterproof poncho (hello,boys) and boarded a plane to Amsterdam.
And from Amsterdam we went to Den Haag.
And from Den Haag to Paris.
To Barcelona.
To Nimes (which was an accident, more of that later).
To Venice.
To Lljubljana.
To Bovec.
To Krakow.
To Prague.



And while it was an absolutely amazing experience, as three novice travellers we made a LOT of mistakes. Pretty much every mistake you can make, actually, from booking hostels on the wrong day to accidentally hanging around waiting for a night bus in a well-known red light district. So, for those of you off on your own adventures, first of all, lucky you. And second of all, here are some of the things I learned on my Gap Three Weeks. Take heed.

1. Learn about exchange rates. In Krakow, we didn't understand that 25zl equal 1 Euro. So you can understand our embarrassment when we got 40zl out of a cashpoint then galavanted about town expecting to live like kings.
2. READ THE SMALL PRINT ON YOUR TICKET. In a manouvere I don't think I will ever understand, I ripped off part of my ticket before going because I thought it was a questionaaire (yes, really. And no, I don't know why). Turns out that without part, the same part that was lying on my bedside table some 230 miles away my quote: 'ticket becomes invalid' end quote. Trust me, that is not a fun fact to be dealing with when you're nursing an Amsterdam sized hangover.
3. Pretending to be asleep on trains doesn't get you out of paying. They'll just shake you right awake.
4. Invest in a sleeping bag. Some of the hostels are pretty grim, and the only thing you want to catch when you're away is the travel bug.
5. Be prepared to sleep in some pretty strange places. Some of my personal highlights included pitching a tent on a train platform (seriously, very good idea) and a rather unforgettable night in Nimes. We'd spent a day trying to get from Barcelona to Marseille, but ended up stranded in Nimes when trains stopped running. Our initial plan? Just stay out all night and get the first train home. That was soon scuppered when we realised that tumbleweed wouldn't look out of place blowing around Nimes town centre. So, we set of trying to find a bed for the night. Several 'no vacancies' and '150 euros a night' later, we found ourselves in a cat-themed hotel. And after some VERY jammy convincing, ended up with an, shall we say, ususual set up. A woman staying in the hotel was on her own, but had booked a room for four people. No word of a lie, we ended up sharing her a room with her. Her in one bed, two of us in another, three in a double and one on the floor (we'd picked up three other backpackers on our way). She didn't speak a word of English. We don't speak French. She woke up every hour on the hour to have a cigarette. We were a bit drunk off beer and exhaustion. One of the more awkward nights of my life...
6. Read a map. In Barcelona station, we saw a sign about international trains saying: "Zurich, Venica, Talgo." So, we marched up to the ticket office, and asked for three reservations to Talgo. Instead of reservations, we got a blank stare. So I continued: "I think its in Switzerland." The ticket lady burst out laughing. It was out turn to look blank. Once she'd calmed down she told us that Talgo is actually not a Swiss holiday destination, but a type of train. To put it into perspective, that would be like an English person asking to go to Arriva. Not my finest hour.
7. Go to places you would never usually visit. In fact, go to Slovenia. It may not sound it, but it's one of the most beautiful places I've ever been. See for yourself.



8. If you're planning on going to Barcelona, go there last. Seriously, that place is harder to get out of than Alcatraz.
9. The train journeys can be really long. Use your time wisely. Like us? We decided to write a rap about our travels to the tune of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme tune. Things are much funnier on 24 hours with no sleep.
10. Sounds cheesy, but above all just relax and enjoy yourself. Things might not always go to plan but you can guarantee you'll end up in some pretty amazing places.

Not so much panic on the streets of London, more total fucking madness.

"Lock your doors, stay in your homes and please don't try to go outside."

The sentence would slot nicely into the dialogue of some low budget zombie movie. But to hear it coming out of my TV? Into my lounge? On the real life news? I never thought it would happen. Unless you've been hibernating, you will have seen the positively apocolyptic coverage of the London riots. As the dust settles and the innocent people scramble to salvage the remaining shreds of the normal lives they were leading this time last week, there are going to be a lot of questions that need answering. Like, who did this? And why? Where did all the anger come from? What were they trying to prove? I don't know about the rest of you, but I don't buy that there was some political undertone to this twenty-first century version of the lunatics taking over the asylum. I get it, I really do. People are angry. The country is in a state, and someone needs to step up and take the blame. But this? Completely unconnected. This is just mindless. These kids, they're not looting Debenhams to teach the government a lesson. They're doing it because they can. They don't know why their angry any more than we do. It's this pack mentality - 'if enough of us do it, we won't get caught.' So what,what exactly have you done? Destroyed your own captial city? Burned down your own houses? Smashed the shops that you buy your food from? Wake up, London. This isn't 'sticking it to the police', this is shitting on your own doorstep personified. If you've got something to say, fine. But what's so wrong with saying it peacefully? It doesn't make you weak, it makes you smart. After all, who wants to help out the boy in a balaclava weilding a baseball bat, or the girl throwing fireworks at cars? I can't help but think of what a waste this is. If only we could unite to do something positive.

Oh, and David? Make sure you stop off at the duty free on the way home. You're gonna need a drink when you see the state of the country you apparently run.

Jumping on the bandwagon

Like most of the world, I entered 2011 drunk, surrounded by my lovely friends and still burdened with the hint of a food baby conceived at Christmas Dinner. And, like most of the world, I spent the first day of the shiny new year under a duvet, cursing Jaeger and vowing the be a better person. So, just so i've made an official record of them, here are my new years resolutions...

1. Seriously stop biting my nails.
2. Learn to do the splits. I really need a better party trick than rapping to 'Baby Got Back'.
3. Find out what happens to Harry Potter in the end. I think I might be the only person that doesn't know.
4. Be tidier - hair and bedroom included.
5. Write important dates in my diary, not on the back of Nandos receipts.
6. Save enough money to go to Thailand with one of my best friends in June.
7. Work up the courage to go bungee jumping.
8. Be good at ice skating.
9. Be good at uni.
10. KEEP. MY. RESOLUTIONS.

“First we make our habits, then our habits make us.”

I'll be straight with you, I watch the trashiest TV. Anything to do with car chases, deformities and velour-clad women trying to work out just who their baby daddy is - pretty much the spam of the entertainment world. So, I was having a flick through the other night, hoping for a bit of World's Toughest Prisons, or maybe Sharks Do The Scariest Things, when a BBC3 programme called Freak Like Me caught my eye. A few minutes in, I was hooked. It's all about people's weird, yet strangely endearing, little habits they have that come so naturally to them but seem completely unnatural to the outside world. There was a guy obsessed with eating out of bins. A women who only ate stale food. A student who collected dead bees. At first, I watched along with that morbid fascination you get when you're exposed to a situation you have no personal experience with. I thought to myself "I don't have any habits like this". A few days later, though, I realised that isn't strictly true. I have quite a few weird little rituals actually. It's just that they've become so engraved in my life that I don't even notice I'm doing them, don't even regard them as quirks. For example, I always, always have the volume of my TV on an even number. Don't ask me why, it's just something I've always done. Always stack my biscuits in 4's when I'm having them with a cuppa. No idea what I think is going to happen if 5th biscuit comes along and rocks the boat. Talking to my sister about it, she has her own little collection of habits that, at first, she didn't even regard as unusual because she was so used to them. I think it's exactly that little web of unique quirks, traits and rituals that make humans so interesting. We shouldn't be shy about them, we should be embracing them. We should be getting our freak on. The only thing we should be embarrassed about is the terrible pun I just made. Sorry, don't hate me.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00w59n8/Freak_Like_Me_Episode_5/