Friday 21 May 2010
Getting a bit of perspective.
So I was massively stressing about revision, and the ever growing pile of frantically highlighted notes that seem to be taking over my room. Then I started thinking about Jerry Springer, and I realised there are people who are a lot worse off. Some people have no idea who their baby daddy is, for example.
Saturday 8 May 2010
I've just had a massive epiphany
I have no idea why I social network. Seriously, I know its nice to have a little nose. And the amount of scandal that goes down on that news feed is hard to argue with. But is a little bit of mindless online stalking really worth putting up with an annoyance of epic proportions. I am referring, of course, to the archetypal Facebook douchebag. I've been thinking, I might be a bit more choosy with who I accept as a friend. Maybe that way, I'll avoid things like this (seriously, if you've answered 'yes' to one or more of the following, please don't add me. or anyone. just, stay off the internet):
1. People who put song lyrics in their status. Especially anything remotely resembling Coldplay. You might think it makes you sound all deep and meaningful, but its just embarrassing for all involved.
2. One word: Farmville. When will it stop dicking all over my newsfeed? There is literally nothing in the world I care less about than how your imaginary wheat is harvesting on your imaginary farm. And I will never send you the 'free gift of an apple tree', so stop asking.
3. The generic 'I hate my life' status update. Especially when followed by 'I don't wanna talk about it.' Well, the trick there is probably to keep your problems (and I use this term very loosely) off the internet. This is precisely the reason that Facebook NEEDS to introduce a 'nobody gives a shit' button.
4. Anybody who writes the following in their 'about me' section: "I'm like Marmite, you either love me or you hate me". Seriously, I don't even mind Marmite, but saying that will definitely make me hate you. These are the same kind of people who wear kooky hats, and make it their 'thing' to hide the fact that they have absolutely no personality. Everyone's like "Oh yeah. I know John, always wears that hat." Have you ever properly spoken to this John character? My guess? Not so much going on upstairs.
5. Quite a lot of people don't fully understand what the word fan means. Generally it means to like and support something. So, why then, is my homepage plagued with people 'becoming a fan' of ridiculously cringe groups like 'I wish I could erase you from my life.' You're a FAN of that feeling are you? You LIKE it? Really?
6. Facebook can be a bit of a sarky twat sometimes. Like, my Mum just joined 2010 and got on board, so she's got about 15 friends at the minute. The other day, a little message popped up saying she 'ONLY has 15 friends'. God, rub in why don't you?
7. So. many. spelling. mistakes.
8. People who take photos of how much alcohol they've drank like it warrants some sort of medal.
9. Similar to number 4, but people who's 'about me' section contains the phrase "I always say what's on my mind." Yeah, that doesn't make you 'real', it actually makes you a sociopath.
10. People who put involve their middle names in their user name. Or even worse, some shit little nickname, like Joe 'Nutter' Bloggs, that they are under the impression everyone calls them . In reality, it's probably more like that episode of Friends when Ross tries to make everyone call him 'The Ross-a-tron' and nobody does and its really awkward.
11. People getting all mental because somebody denied their friend request. Look, just calm down, realise its only Facebook and just move on with your life.
12. 9 year old joining groups such as 'I FORT HE LUVED ME BUT HE JST BROKE MY HART'.Come on, go and listen to some Justin Bieber and get over it.
All this douchery aside though, Facebook can be a source of comedy gold. Have you ever been on Lamebook.com? Seriously, go on it. Right now. It's dedicated to all the massive fails ever to grace our newsfeeds, and it single handedly ruining my chances of ever getting a degree. Amazing.
1. People who put song lyrics in their status. Especially anything remotely resembling Coldplay. You might think it makes you sound all deep and meaningful, but its just embarrassing for all involved.
2. One word: Farmville. When will it stop dicking all over my newsfeed? There is literally nothing in the world I care less about than how your imaginary wheat is harvesting on your imaginary farm. And I will never send you the 'free gift of an apple tree', so stop asking.
3. The generic 'I hate my life' status update. Especially when followed by 'I don't wanna talk about it.' Well, the trick there is probably to keep your problems (and I use this term very loosely) off the internet. This is precisely the reason that Facebook NEEDS to introduce a 'nobody gives a shit' button.
4. Anybody who writes the following in their 'about me' section: "I'm like Marmite, you either love me or you hate me". Seriously, I don't even mind Marmite, but saying that will definitely make me hate you. These are the same kind of people who wear kooky hats, and make it their 'thing' to hide the fact that they have absolutely no personality. Everyone's like "Oh yeah. I know John, always wears that hat." Have you ever properly spoken to this John character? My guess? Not so much going on upstairs.
5. Quite a lot of people don't fully understand what the word fan means. Generally it means to like and support something. So, why then, is my homepage plagued with people 'becoming a fan' of ridiculously cringe groups like 'I wish I could erase you from my life.' You're a FAN of that feeling are you? You LIKE it? Really?
6. Facebook can be a bit of a sarky twat sometimes. Like, my Mum just joined 2010 and got on board, so she's got about 15 friends at the minute. The other day, a little message popped up saying she 'ONLY has 15 friends'. God, rub in why don't you?
7. So. many. spelling. mistakes.
8. People who take photos of how much alcohol they've drank like it warrants some sort of medal.
9. Similar to number 4, but people who's 'about me' section contains the phrase "I always say what's on my mind." Yeah, that doesn't make you 'real', it actually makes you a sociopath.
10. People who put involve their middle names in their user name. Or even worse, some shit little nickname, like Joe 'Nutter' Bloggs, that they are under the impression everyone calls them . In reality, it's probably more like that episode of Friends when Ross tries to make everyone call him 'The Ross-a-tron' and nobody does and its really awkward.
11. People getting all mental because somebody denied their friend request. Look, just calm down, realise its only Facebook and just move on with your life.
12. 9 year old joining groups such as 'I FORT HE LUVED ME BUT HE JST BROKE MY HART'.Come on, go and listen to some Justin Bieber and get over it.
All this douchery aside though, Facebook can be a source of comedy gold. Have you ever been on Lamebook.com? Seriously, go on it. Right now. It's dedicated to all the massive fails ever to grace our newsfeeds, and it single handedly ruining my chances of ever getting a degree. Amazing.
Thursday 6 May 2010
Do we really trust a man who looks this much like a slice of ham to run the country?
seriously, it's uncanny.
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