Hero of the week.

http://www.deargirlsaboveme.com/

To be honest, I'm normally following the rest of the world at a frantic pace due to my constant being 3 or 4 months out of sync with everyone else's lives, so most of you have probably already discovered this gem, but if not, it's one of the funniest things I've read in while. Basic plot: two annoying girls have moved into the flat above this guy, and he blogs everything he is longing to say to them. This got me thinking about all those times you just WISH you could say something to certain frustrating individuals; when you think of a verbal smackdown so succinct and cutting, a comeback that Dr Cox himself would be proud of, that it destroys you a little bit that you don't say it all in the name of keeping the peace. So, I decided to write my own little notes. Not so much Dear Girls Above Me, more Dear General Douchebags.

Dear Old Woman I Saw In Accessorize,
"Are you going to say thank you?" Well, seeing as I held the door open for YOU, I doubt it. Your walking through said door has not really benefited my life in any way.

Dear Girl On The Bus,
"Are wolves real, Babe?" Literally too stupid to insult. It's yes by the way, despite what your wotsit-complexioned friend told you.

Dear Facebook Friend,
Your status the other day? You know the one: "going to proove to every1 dat im not stupid!". How ironic.

Dear 16 Year Old At The Ice Rink,
Trying to push girls over and stealing their possessions is not actually a successful seduction tactic. Can I recommend polite conversation?

Dear Boy Singing Outside My Window,
You have a lovely voice. I have an exam tomorrow. I don't think this relationship is going to work out.

Dear Whoever Invented Exams,
I speak on behalf of the entire student population when I say you deserve to be roundhouse kicked in the face. By somebody wearing steel toe boots.

Dear Go Compare Man,
I pray every day that you develop severe laryngitis.

Dear Liver,
I'm so sorry. For my entire freshers year. You've been a trooper, I promise to let you have a rest soon.

Dear Preggers,
I enjoyed the irony when I overheard you saying you were struggling with Farmville because your crops weren't fertile. Clearly, the same can't be said for you.