Like most of the world, I entered 2011 drunk, surrounded by my lovely friends and still burdened with the hint of a food baby conceived at Christmas Dinner. And, like most of the world, I spent the first day of the shiny new year under a duvet, cursing Jaeger and vowing the be a better person. So, just so i've made an official record of them, here are my new years resolutions...
1. Seriously stop biting my nails.
2. Learn to do the splits. I really need a better party trick than rapping to 'Baby Got Back'.
3. Find out what happens to Harry Potter in the end. I think I might be the only person that doesn't know.
4. Be tidier - hair and bedroom included.
5. Write important dates in my diary, not on the back of Nandos receipts.
6. Save enough money to go to Thailand with one of my best friends in June.
7. Work up the courage to go bungee jumping.
8. Be good at ice skating.
9. Be good at uni.
10. KEEP. MY. RESOLUTIONS.
Tuesday, 4 January 2011
Monday, 27 December 2010
“First we make our habits, then our habits make us.”
I'll be straight with you, I watch the trashiest TV. Anything to do with car chases, deformities and velour-clad women trying to work out just who their baby daddy is - pretty much the spam of the entertainment world. So, I was having a flick through the other night, hoping for a bit of World's Toughest Prisons, or maybe Sharks Do The Scariest Things, when a BBC3 programme called Freak Like Me caught my eye. A few minutes in, I was hooked. It's all about people's weird, yet strangely endearing, little habits they have that come so naturally to them but seem completely unnatural to the outside world. There was a guy obsessed with eating out of bins. A women who only ate stale food. A student who collected dead bees. At first, I watched along with that morbid fascination you get when you're exposed to a situation you have no personal experience with. I thought to myself "I don't have any habits like this". A few days later, though, I realised that isn't strictly true. I have quite a few weird little rituals actually. It's just that they've become so engraved in my life that I don't even notice I'm doing them, don't even regard them as quirks. For example, I always, always have the volume of my TV on an even number. Don't ask me why, it's just something I've always done. Always stack my biscuits in 4's when I'm having them with a cuppa. No idea what I think is going to happen if 5th biscuit comes along and rocks the boat. Talking to my sister about it, she has her own little collection of habits that, at first, she didn't even regard as unusual because she was so used to them. I think it's exactly that little web of unique quirks, traits and rituals that make humans so interesting. We shouldn't be shy about them, we should be embracing them. We should be getting our freak on. The only thing we should be embarrassed about is the terrible pun I just made. Sorry, don't hate me.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00w59n8/Freak_Like_Me_Episode_5/
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00w59n8/Freak_Like_Me_Episode_5/
Wednesday, 24 November 2010
Cuts are nuts? So is kicking the shit out of a window.
Pretty iconic image, isn't it?
People assume that, as a student, I would be marching behind these people, waving my placard just as passionately as everyone else. And don't get me wrong, I completely agree with the cause. Like thousands of others, I'm feeling pretty conned by Nick Clegg and his pledge to keep student fees down. To be honest, that was the precise reason I voted for him, and the most profound among the myriad other reasons I didn't vote Conservative. And I don't for a second believe that this was something out of Clegg's control. He knew exactly what he was getting into when he agreed to a coalition with the Tory's. After all, he'd been so avidly campaigning against their manifestos for months.
But what I want to make very clear is that I don't want people to think that this balaclava-donning, window-smashing army are speaking on behalf of me. By all means, go, stand up and make your voices heard. But whatever happened to a peaceful protest? The government aren't going to want to put that behaviour through University. They'll take one look at the carnage caused and think more along the lines of high security than higher education. The magnitude of the destruction will completely outweigh the reason why people gathered in their thousands in the first place. The media coverage will solely focus on the violence and unrest, and a few months down the line people will have completely forgotten why we were so angry.
So yeah, well done. Any chance we had to fight rising tuition fees shattered when those boots hit that window.
Saturday, 6 November 2010
I haven't blogged since the eurovision song contest.
But I am still alive, still well and still not getting the whole 'Twilight' thing.
I'll admit that most of June was frittered away watching re-runs of Come Dine With Me, but I've actually had a pretty busy few months.
1. I went on holiday to Ayia Napa where I learnt that sambuca is really not my friend.
2. I also learned that just because it happened on The Hangover, my dentist friend isn't willing to extract her own tooth in exchange for a pretty questionable chicken burger. Cop out.
3. I jumped off the top of a two storey boat into the sea. Even though I'm scared of heights. And the sea. All to catch a can of stella. Lad.
4. I learnt that my friend thought a kestrel was somebody who plays the guitar. I don't even know how she gets these ideas into her head, because I'm pretty sure nobody will ever have told her this.
5. I found out that McDonalds now do weddings. FINALLY. "Chicken burger, McFlurry and some holy matrimony, please."
6. I applied to be on the Million Pound Drop with my housemate. We've already mentally spent our winnings.
7. I got a job at a summer camp, which was really fun. But I've always thought that facepainting is pretty straightforward. Yeah? Oh, no. I almost reduced a child to tears because of my incredibly sub-par attempt at painting her face like a monster.
8. I made a pledge to myself that I would do more exercise, went for ONE run, got 10 minutes down the road before hobbling home with a massive stitch. Pretty much the next Usain Bolt.
9. I fulfilled one of my lifelong dreams and managed to do the worm. Well, I almost broke my face but the worm definitely happened.
10. I broke the world record for the biggest game of musical bumps at Bestival 2010. Well, not me personally. That would be a very small game.
11. Me and my housemates filled our lounge with 99 red balloons and danced in them like that scene on Scrubs. You know, for a treat.
12. I found out that the dubstep remix of the Pokemon theme tune is a real thing.
13. I relived my childhood at London Science Museum. Seriously, why don't I live there?
14. I found out that my brothers quite the local crim. Getting a taxi home with him from town, our taxi driver starts going on about a house party he had when he was younger where some random boys threw the entire contents of his freezer in the garden and stole his shoes. My brother goes very quiet, before miming to me "Oh my God, that was me." Very awkward taxi ride.
15. I discovered eating a kilo of gummy bears is no big deal.
I'll admit that most of June was frittered away watching re-runs of Come Dine With Me, but I've actually had a pretty busy few months.
1. I went on holiday to Ayia Napa where I learnt that sambuca is really not my friend.
2. I also learned that just because it happened on The Hangover, my dentist friend isn't willing to extract her own tooth in exchange for a pretty questionable chicken burger. Cop out.
3. I jumped off the top of a two storey boat into the sea. Even though I'm scared of heights. And the sea. All to catch a can of stella. Lad.
4. I learnt that my friend thought a kestrel was somebody who plays the guitar. I don't even know how she gets these ideas into her head, because I'm pretty sure nobody will ever have told her this.
5. I found out that McDonalds now do weddings. FINALLY. "Chicken burger, McFlurry and some holy matrimony, please."
6. I applied to be on the Million Pound Drop with my housemate. We've already mentally spent our winnings.
7. I got a job at a summer camp, which was really fun. But I've always thought that facepainting is pretty straightforward. Yeah? Oh, no. I almost reduced a child to tears because of my incredibly sub-par attempt at painting her face like a monster.
8. I made a pledge to myself that I would do more exercise, went for ONE run, got 10 minutes down the road before hobbling home with a massive stitch. Pretty much the next Usain Bolt.
9. I fulfilled one of my lifelong dreams and managed to do the worm. Well, I almost broke my face but the worm definitely happened.
10. I broke the world record for the biggest game of musical bumps at Bestival 2010. Well, not me personally. That would be a very small game.
11. Me and my housemates filled our lounge with 99 red balloons and danced in them like that scene on Scrubs. You know, for a treat.
12. I found out that the dubstep remix of the Pokemon theme tune is a real thing.
13. I relived my childhood at London Science Museum. Seriously, why don't I live there?
14. I found out that my brothers quite the local crim. Getting a taxi home with him from town, our taxi driver starts going on about a house party he had when he was younger where some random boys threw the entire contents of his freezer in the garden and stole his shoes. My brother goes very quiet, before miming to me "Oh my God, that was me." Very awkward taxi ride.
15. I discovered eating a kilo of gummy bears is no big deal.
Monday, 7 June 2010
You know that classic hypothetical question?
If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Mine is totally this.
Genius.
Mine is totally this.
Genius.
Hero of the week.
http://www.deargirlsaboveme.com/
To be honest, I'm normally following the rest of the world at a frantic pace due to my constant being 3 or 4 months out of sync with everyone else's lives, so most of you have probably already discovered this gem, but if not, it's one of the funniest things I've read in while. Basic plot: two annoying girls have moved into the flat above this guy, and he blogs everything he is longing to say to them. This got me thinking about all those times you just WISH you could say something to certain frustrating individuals; when you think of a verbal smackdown so succinct and cutting, a comeback that Dr Cox himself would be proud of, that it destroys you a little bit that you don't say it all in the name of keeping the peace. So, I decided to write my own little notes. Not so much Dear Girls Above Me, more Dear General Douchebags.
Dear Old Woman I Saw In Accessorize,
"Are you going to say thank you?" Well, seeing as I held the door open for YOU, I doubt it. Your walking through said door has not really benefited my life in any way.
Dear Girl On The Bus,
"Are wolves real, Babe?" Literally too stupid to insult. It's yes by the way, despite what your wotsit-complexioned friend told you.
Dear Facebook Friend,
Your status the other day? You know the one: "going to proove to every1 dat im not stupid!". How ironic.
Dear 16 Year Old At The Ice Rink,
Trying to push girls over and stealing their possessions is not actually a successful seduction tactic. Can I recommend polite conversation?
Dear Boy Singing Outside My Window,
You have a lovely voice. I have an exam tomorrow. I don't think this relationship is going to work out.
Dear Whoever Invented Exams,
I speak on behalf of the entire student population when I say you deserve to be roundhouse kicked in the face. By somebody wearing steel toe boots.
Dear Go Compare Man,
I pray every day that you develop severe laryngitis.
Dear Liver,
I'm so sorry. For my entire freshers year. You've been a trooper, I promise to let you have a rest soon.
Dear Preggers,
I enjoyed the irony when I overheard you saying you were struggling with Farmville because your crops weren't fertile. Clearly, the same can't be said for you.
To be honest, I'm normally following the rest of the world at a frantic pace due to my constant being 3 or 4 months out of sync with everyone else's lives, so most of you have probably already discovered this gem, but if not, it's one of the funniest things I've read in while. Basic plot: two annoying girls have moved into the flat above this guy, and he blogs everything he is longing to say to them. This got me thinking about all those times you just WISH you could say something to certain frustrating individuals; when you think of a verbal smackdown so succinct and cutting, a comeback that Dr Cox himself would be proud of, that it destroys you a little bit that you don't say it all in the name of keeping the peace. So, I decided to write my own little notes. Not so much Dear Girls Above Me, more Dear General Douchebags.
Dear Old Woman I Saw In Accessorize,
"Are you going to say thank you?" Well, seeing as I held the door open for YOU, I doubt it. Your walking through said door has not really benefited my life in any way.
Dear Girl On The Bus,
"Are wolves real, Babe?" Literally too stupid to insult. It's yes by the way, despite what your wotsit-complexioned friend told you.
Dear Facebook Friend,
Your status the other day? You know the one: "going to proove to every1 dat im not stupid!". How ironic.
Dear 16 Year Old At The Ice Rink,
Trying to push girls over and stealing their possessions is not actually a successful seduction tactic. Can I recommend polite conversation?
Dear Boy Singing Outside My Window,
You have a lovely voice. I have an exam tomorrow. I don't think this relationship is going to work out.
Dear Whoever Invented Exams,
I speak on behalf of the entire student population when I say you deserve to be roundhouse kicked in the face. By somebody wearing steel toe boots.
Dear Go Compare Man,
I pray every day that you develop severe laryngitis.
Dear Liver,
I'm so sorry. For my entire freshers year. You've been a trooper, I promise to let you have a rest soon.
Dear Preggers,
I enjoyed the irony when I overheard you saying you were struggling with Farmville because your crops weren't fertile. Clearly, the same can't be said for you.
I think the world would be a better place...
...if we all took a leaf out of Holly Golightly's book.
It seems to me that glamour is not a timeless concept. In contrast to popular culture claims, diamonds are not forever. And while I applaud the fearless fashion flag that the women of 2010 are flying, I think the ageless elegance of past decades has been pushed to the back of a dusty shelf somewhere in the chaotic and cacophonous wardrobe of today. The noughties rewrote glamour to connote some half naked, half silicone Barbie we'd see on Page 3 of The Sun. Think of the virtual flawlessness of the women of the 1920s, 30s and 40s and there is no contest. These are the women who would not leave the house until every stand of hair was in place, every eyelash was coated in mascara and the omnipresent red lipstick had painted the perfect pout. Ironically, the true expression of timelessness has seemingly expired. I'd love to see some of the elegance of these decades make a comeback, but, controversially, without the 'modern twist' we insist of spinning on so many vintage looks. Its the age old "if it ain't broke" dynamic; in my eyes, 1920s, 30s and 40s fashion was perfect. It embodies the very essence of glamour. And while I'm not saying girls today don't emit elegance, I think it was done on a different level, and in a different way back in the day. The face of fashion today is so chaotic, with designers scrambling to send something fresh and exciting down the runway, that we are overlooking the fact that we have proven-to-work formulas written in our style past, just waiting to be unleashed on the modern world.
It seems to me that glamour is not a timeless concept. In contrast to popular culture claims, diamonds are not forever. And while I applaud the fearless fashion flag that the women of 2010 are flying, I think the ageless elegance of past decades has been pushed to the back of a dusty shelf somewhere in the chaotic and cacophonous wardrobe of today. The noughties rewrote glamour to connote some half naked, half silicone Barbie we'd see on Page 3 of The Sun. Think of the virtual flawlessness of the women of the 1920s, 30s and 40s and there is no contest. These are the women who would not leave the house until every stand of hair was in place, every eyelash was coated in mascara and the omnipresent red lipstick had painted the perfect pout. Ironically, the true expression of timelessness has seemingly expired. I'd love to see some of the elegance of these decades make a comeback, but, controversially, without the 'modern twist' we insist of spinning on so many vintage looks. Its the age old "if it ain't broke" dynamic; in my eyes, 1920s, 30s and 40s fashion was perfect. It embodies the very essence of glamour. And while I'm not saying girls today don't emit elegance, I think it was done on a different level, and in a different way back in the day. The face of fashion today is so chaotic, with designers scrambling to send something fresh and exciting down the runway, that we are overlooking the fact that we have proven-to-work formulas written in our style past, just waiting to be unleashed on the modern world.
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